So anyway, for eight years, we made $100,000 a year (give or take)?

By now we should be filthy rich, right? Ok, we need to be, still…

Here, I talk from experience, so listen up. We had a game plan before we made the decision to drive a truck for one or two years, but it was not laid down anywhere. The plan was basically to get out of debt and get back to K-State as soon as possible.

However after we found out that our annual revenue in the first year of driving had gone from $30,000 to $100,000, we realized we wouldn’t be going back to school anytime soon. We lost our attention as soon as the unspoken decision was made, and hundreds of thousands of dollars went down the drain with that.

Yeah, we haven’t squandered anything. To keep the bill collectors off our hands, we paid off some credit card loans and some lingering medical costs within the first year. But for some reason that I can’t even remember right now, we agreed not to pay off my $22,000 school loan.

When I think about this, right now it scares the living crap out of me. For the life of me, I can’t remember what I felt. I wasn’t, apparently. When I think, you know how bad it hurts.

And where was all of your money going? A nice question.

I would like to tell you that much of it goes to day-to-day living costs and other truck driving expenses, but I can’t. Yeah, we had some day-to-day expenses, but there aren’t many expenses for a business driver other than meals or an occasional shower (most are free).

The corporation still reimbursed me anytime I had to pay for a toll lane, or to weigh a heavy load. Many big corporations even have toll cards, so when taking toll roads, there are typically no charges for the driver. I did not even have to pay for petrol, gasoline, or repairs as a business driver.

Basically, with all our extra money the first year the only thing we had to prove was a lovely package of TaylorMade golf clubs for me and a wedding ring with a diamond the size of Pluto for The Wicked Overlord.

I probably didn’t need fancy clubs like that because I barely had to play golf, and I just sucked when I did. “It’s easier to make “suck,” because I really do. But what is a package of $1,500 golf clubs when you make $100 grand a year?

However, flat-out, the Wicked Overlord deserved the bell. Our el cheapo wedding bands cost us $50 when we purchased them for the couple. Without complaining, she wore the cheap ring and worked full-time, taking me to school in Dallas for two years. Besides, during our first two years in hardship, she had to endure being married to me the sad little fairy princess.

It’s funny (not really how, at least in her mind, the finger-mounted rock doesn’t look as big as it used to, anyway. Huh? Me? All those years later, I’m still wearing my $25 bracelet, and my finger hasn’t turned green yet. No I’m not inexpensive. There is nostalgic meaning to it. Sheez. Sheez. Only because I can whistle without using my lips with the theme from The Andy Griffith Show doesn’t mean I’m tight!!

Here’s where it continues to get absurd.

Before she hung up her trucker hat, we made over $800,000 (eight years out of $100,000) from trucking. That’s a speech statistic, of course. She wouldn’t sport a trucker’s hat any more than she would wear a Shriner’s convention translucent plastic bikini. This will be about $600,000 net salary after taxes. That’s a great deal of bread. Speak about bread…

I know we’ve invested a lot of our newfound restaurant money. We’ve never thought twice about spending $100 on the two of us for a dinner. We were also not greedy. We loved taking some to such costly meals, too.

I always curse The Dark Overlord for exposing all three of our nephews to The Outback’s Victoria Filet. The spoiled brats are not going to eat daily steaks now. Noooo. Nooooooo. They need one for $23! But I’m not cynical… nor am I even mildly jealous of last year’s amazing Christmases. But back then, I wasn’t nearly as stingy.

I got it if I wanted a $300 PlayStation 2 and a few $50 games. Did she want a pair of $200 sneakers or a $400 purse? From Cha-ching!! And more frightening, with incredible regularity, we began using the expression, “It’s just $100,”

We haven’t even had rent for a good long time. We were just home three to four days a month, but when we came home we lived with her parents instead of paying rent and electricity for a place that we will barely see many truckers do this; we’re not the only freeloaders out there).

We’ve funded a few new ATVs. We put down 50 percent on a pair of cute cars. We needed our own house finally, so we came up with a decent down payment and designed a very nice one. That may seem like a number, but bear in mind that it took place over an eight-year cycle.

There’s something I like I need to explain here only so you don’t think something is hinky. I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I’ve been suggesting during all this money talk that The Evil Overlord was driving for eight years, but in other sections of the novel, I’m saying she was driving for nine.

Only let me elaborate. Actually, Nine is right, but I did my eight-year financial estimates because she was on the road with me for eight years and then she left for a couple years before she came back for another year. Anyway, I remained there for eight years and the ninth year wasn’t really typical for us. If my old poor brain tells me, I’ll go over that a little later. All right. Return to algebra.

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